TAMARA JEAN

I WAS BORN ON THE DAY THAT BEAUTY DIED

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9/2/05 03:00 pm

my dad and i went out to eat lunch today at la costa. it was very awkward. we barely exchanged any words and when we did they were usually full of hate. it's rather sad how he and i can't be together for more than three minutes without getting in an argument. distance makes the heart grow fonder. next weekend i will be graced by the presence of ashley zanata. the weekend after that, matt and i (..and possibly eli and gray) will scurry up to richmond va for marion's birthday party. i dont know how she plans on fitting everyone in that house or supplying enough alchohol. because my broke ass certainly can not donate. fuck you livejournal. i hate this thing. why did i decide to resurrect you?

5/31/05 12:57 am

ATTN: this journal is going to be deleted until further notice. why? because an anonymous source told my family about my drug "problems" through this website.
so im leaving with a couple of off-beat remarks in hopes of calming my nerves and then it will be deleted within 12 hours.

i can't pull my shit together if my life depended upon it. all the important elements of my life are falling apart.
i hate this.
all i want to do is work so that i can save money and eventually get the hell out of this place. im being nieve because it's fairly obvious that the same thing is going to happen to me if i move to another town. but that's besides the point, i just want to be far far away.
and all i can think about is chris and it's awful how i worry about him more than i do myself.
last night i had a dream that chris got back with ariel. it would be nice if i could sleep and forget about that.. but i can't fall asleep and i can't forget about it because i just keep thinking about the distance between us and what he could be doing right now.
i can't trust many people.
i miss kensey.
i need a shower.
the weather here sucks.

update: i have at least 3 thousand dollars from graduation and a new imac g5 17" flat screen monitor to show off. i have also been getting ridiculously drunk for the past 4 nights in a row and tonight, im sober and hating it.

bye bye. regurgitate